Kyu nahin...

Ek baar hi jee bhar ke sata kyun nahin lete,

Gar hurf-e-khata hoon to mita kyun nahin dete...

Saya hoon to phir saath na rakhne ka sabab kya,

Pathhar hoon to raaste se hataa kyun nahin dete...

Moti hoon to phir soz-e-mashgan mein piro lo,

Aansoon hoon to paimaane pe gira kyun nahin dete...

Dream-girl

It is about her. It is about things which I have written earlier, and those which remain unwritten. What makes her what she is…What makes her different from others…What makes her a dream- girl.

Let me start with her body.... She will always have qualms about it…that it is not as attractive as it should be…and that it does not qualify her to be ‘hot’ enough.

Not true. I think her body is a phenomenon like those words which take the form of lyrics, when woven together. It is a melody…yes, a melody - like an orchard in the spring. It is like sunrise - it brings you close to the nature.

What about her face?

Her face is like a cool breeze in scorching heat. It is like a sunflower blossoming when the sun is at its peak…vibrant, radiating, life-giving. It is real or an illusion? I believe it is a fairy tale…it engages you…

This fascination with big eyes never goes well with me. Just look at her eyes. They are not big, but they are magnetic. They talk a lot…anger, joy, sorrow…it is all there in her eyes.

When she is excited, there is a spark in them….and when she is shy, she will not make an eye contact. There is an entire world existing in those eyes.

They are a poison…an addiction…they are like a dream - a never ending dream.

Never written about her hair, there is a lot about them though. They are like the black clouds before it starts raining. When they are tangled, the entire world seems to have gone haywire.

When they are straight, things seem to be sorted out.

Let me share a secret here. Night…yes, the dark night, is nothing but her hair lying all over her face.

I feel silky every time I think about them...

Zindagi do pal ki...

Zindagi do pal ki
intezaar kab tak ham karenge bhalaa
tumhe pyaar kab tak na karenge bhalaa
zindagi do pal ki

Dil mein tumhare chhupa li hai maine to apni ye jaan
ab tumhi isko sambhaalo hamein iskaa hosh kahaan
bekhudi do pal ki
zindagi do pal ki
intezaar kab tak ham karenge ham bhalaa
tumhe pyaar kab tak naa kaenge bhalaa

ek chhota saa vaada is umr se zyada sachha hai sanam
has mod par saath isliye rahte hai ab dono
dosti do pal ki, zindagi do pal ki
intezaar kab tak ham karenge bhalaa
tumhe pyaar kab tak na karenge bhalaa
zindagi do pal ki, zindagi...

Do you see them?

You see them, but you don’t

After the first meeting, you will take home her smile and grace

You will remember her for that smile

Her bold attitude might surprise you in the beginning

Her gestures will leave you impressed

That she is evocative, is no secret

Now if you are friends with her, her eyes will talk to you

And you will find her, irritatingly “self- sacrificing” in her own words

All this while, you see them, but you don’t

Lips are passive as compared to eyes which convey a lot

May be that is why, they don’t attract your attention when you meet her first or may be second time.

It will not be an exaggeration to say that lips….yes her lips, are the most defining feature of her face.

Hmm…let me say that while creating her, the Almighty must have spent maximum time on doing her lips.

No wonder then, they are so wholesome

Delicate like dew

Fresh like that breeze at the time of dawn

Complete like the rainbow

Pleasing to the eye

There are layers to them, hints of them unexplored

And lovely like the skin of a baby

They can quench the thirst of a thousand deserts

Those who say “main apne yaar ki aankhon se peena chahta hoon”, have not seen her lips

They are hidden behind that smile (the loveliest I have ever seen on this planet) which haunts you

You see them, but you don’t

Out of ordinary

He knew that the once fat now fit girl might not be the best when it comes to winning a beauty pageant. In fact, she was what they called 'the girl next door'. She was simple, down to earth, modern and yet had her feet firm on the ground. Yes, she was not out of ordinary.

But his experience and interactions made him believe that simplicity was rare in those days.

And that made her out of ordinary.

For him, she was hope, comfort and much more.

Like when you are lost in crowd and suddenly you see a known face...you both wave at each other....you feel at ease...

She was that ease for him.

After she would be gone, remembering her would make life easy for him. A breeze of comfort in utter chaos.

Strange, but that was his truth !

The view

"Let's play it safe then," said she, after it became clear that their relationship would not culminate into the 'I do' business. And thus began a new chapter in their lives. One, where they were to live in the moment as they enjoyed each others' company and grew fonder of it, with time.

But the two saw it differently.

He, knowing the fact that it was not meant to be, never thought of holding himself back. He was of a kind who believed in expressing his thoughts for her every time he felt like doing it. No riders attached. No inhibitions. Always speaking his heart!

Deep in his heart, he was sad to think that in the time to come, she would embrace someone else....and that he could not help, but accept it as it is.

Nonetheless, admiring her kept him jolly. In her he found something, which was absent in all other women he knew of. Absent even in that "someone special".

His constant adulation left her wondering whether he was speaking in earnest, or was this plain infatuation (which, in turn, prompted him to think that can't infatuation be earnest - serious in intention, purpose or effort?....in fact he was hurt, though that was never her purpose.....He never liked the idea of putting labels to his feelings!).

That's how the guy looked at it.

However, she, knowing that they were unable to change their fortunes, was always (or let 's say, 'quite often') on a look out for ways to make it easy for both of them.

Never ever reciprocating to his chivalrous comments. "Because I am sensible", she reasoned.

Not giving a slight hint of what she thought of him. 'Good' and 'worthy' was all he knew of her perception about him.

The fact that she vied for his company, and liked to spend quality time with him spoke a lot of her feelings for the guy. Also, at times, she did express regret over the fact that the situation was not in their favor.

But then that was it.

But then somehow, he was always under the impression that she was holding herself back. May be her past was haunting her, or every day she was reminding herself that he was just a friend.

Whatever.

It is not as if the guy wanted her to break all the barriers. No, never.

Observing her for hours, capturing her mood swings and knowing her more, was all he wanted, in the little time they were left with. And yes, he was waiting for that one meeting which would be different from the rest.

She could make him happier by making him believe that she was enjoying every moment with him; by not thinking about the future; by going with the flow; and by not reminding herself that he was just a friend when they both knew that he was actually just a friend.

This way, he would feel light about the whole thing.

Is this it ?

More than a year has passed since I parted ways with what they call a "someone special". It left me with a void. I had no option but to live with that. Lot of my friends went for "someone else" when continuing with "someone special" was no more possible. Somehow, I never bought that theory and 'single' remained my status- life was not rocking, but then I had no complaints.

Some meetings with her followed. I knew her as an acquaintance. Now, I was getting to know the person- outspoken, bold, honest and a chocolate lover.

Then one day, I did what I was sure of not even attempting. Just the thought of writing fiction (anything non-news, no facts) used to scare me. "I can't write out of nothing....how the hell do they write in the air?" I used to wonder. I got myself a blog and published a post. "How the hell did you do that?" I asked myself.

I have not stopped writing since , but believe you me, I still don't know how do I do it? Off course, she is everything to my posts- the heart, soul and body, but then is this it? She is wondering if my adulation for her is in earnest or am I in the throes of a momentary fevered infatuation?

After a lot of thinking, umpteen mugs of coffee and enough of head scratching, I reached the conclusion that I do not know if this is it....Neither do I wish to know.

If you want, I can tell you what goes into my writings- I sit, I see her and I write what comes to my head. It cant get any simpler!

On a second thought, I would say that it means a lot to me because if there is one person who has been able to inspire me to do something which I have always been running away from, its her. She is magic.

Now for the questions such as why only her? Is this infatuation or more ? Why did I never write for someone else before? I would say I have no clue. May be ten years from now, I can give you sensible, logical answer. At this moment, I dont know. "Confused" you find me?

Naaa....See, I am clear about what I feel for her and what I expect out of this relationship. I am happy that she gave me this blog and as she wants to believe, I am evolving as a writer. I am going to cherish absolutely each and every moment I have and will be spending with her.

I adore her. If you wish to know my feelings for her, then you got to read my posts. I feel all that and much more, which I will write in the future.

Its just that I am at a loss when it comes to that one word that truly conveys what I feel for her. I have no answer if you ask me to put my feelings in today's parlance where words such as friendship, infatuation, couples, dating, and love etc, define our relationship with each other.

Do I know her? II

In my first post I was wondering if I knew her. After 11 posts and 34 days, I am still looking for the answer. But then in these meetings, I have surely known some of her habits and fears which I was not aware of.

Chocolates, chocolates, chocolates and more chocolates. As she says, she can drown in them (will it be like…just chocolate on her? Ooooohh!....Come back you creep). She can survive without oxygen, but life will be meaningless without chocolates. It is the one thing which she cannot say no to.

She is a baby…You might say that she is a woman of 25, mature enough to take wise decisions, she is bold…Yes…I agree. What m saying is that when you start knowing her, you will find that she is stubborn, she binges on street food, she smiles like a baby, is a daredevil and then you must see her eating chocolates….you will get what I am saying.

Though I saw her lot of times, I recently discovered (she often taunts me saying that I describe things like they do on ‘Discovery’ channel) that her skin has a glow and freshness which we see on a baby...It is fresh. It is like that shade which you look for while you have been walking in the sun for long….It is a comfort for the eyes.

They say that one life is not enough to know someone. Whatever little I know about her, I guess she does not believe in planning. She lives with the moment and lives it to the fullest.

She is a pro at dancing.

I was not aware of that fatal look before I saw that picture of hers and then wrote about it (Hypnosis). She calls it the ‘Madhuri Dixit pose.’

She enjoys pillion riding. In fact, one day I am going take her on a long drive. But when it comes to getting off a bike, it gives her goose bumps.

Yes, that mole on her nape. One day I will write on what I felt when I saw it for the first time. It is going to haunt me for days to come. All I can tell you now is , that it left me wanting more...

So, do I know her?

She

This is a little different. Just took a short brake from work and, as usual, closed my eyes to meet her....This time , I could see her in various moods and times. So, how does she look like in these moods and at these times of the day?

When she wakes up: The deadliest drug one can ever have

When she laughs: Sea

When she cries: End

When she sings: Honey

When she talks: Wise

When she is angry: Sweet

When she touches: Out of this world

When she kisses: God...can I hold onto this moment !

When she sleeps: Shhhhhhh ! do not disturb

Sajdaa

Wo zikr hai, khayaal hai, yaad hai, tasawwur hai

Wo thandak hai, sukoon hai, chhaon hai

Wo ibaadat hai, dua hai, sajdaa hai

Wo rooh hai, jism hai, jaan hai

Wo maqsad hai, iraada hai, koshish hai

Wo megha hai, baarish hai, fiza hai

Wo aghaaz hai, anjaam hai

Wo subah hai, shaam hai

Wo neend hai, khwaab hai, aankhon ka ujaala hai

Wo sawaal hai, jawaab hai

Wo husn hai, kashish hai, andaaz hai

Wo tabassum hai, bijli hai

Wo saans hai, dhadkan hai, lahoo hai

Wo duniya hai, aakhirat hai

Wo resham hai, sakht hai

Ishq hai, ishq hai, ishq hai....

Hypnosis

Let me start with my initial reactions on seeing that pic…

First, I was speechless; then my eyes went bigger and bigger and then I said to myself "Oh my God, Oh My God, Ohhhh My….This is damn sexy….she is looking HOT……Thisssss, is beauty.

Everything about the picture- the lady, the saree, the hair, the eyes, the kaajal, that smile (ohhhhhh….I cannot stop adoring it… I can go on and on and on), the set-up (that almirah in the backdrop provide the retro look), the mood….just everything is…hmmmm….let me say everything is complementing each other.

It seems that everything here was made for this particular picture.

But then that’s not the reason why I have not been able to sleep for the past few nights.

It is the look that haunts me.

You gotta see it to believe me.

She is talking to you. She is inviting you to her world. The world of mischief. The world without boundaries.

That look makes you forget everything on this planet. Every bloody thing!

It is a slow poison.

It enters through your eyes and then slowly it is all over you. It flows in your veins. It gets absorbed in your soul.

It becomes you. It remains with you, day and night.

You would surrender yourself to her and you would not even realize. It is like making you a slave by giving you all the powers.

It is hypnosis. Nothing less than hypnosis. Just a give it a glance and you are gone.

It can make you do anything in the world. And trust me, you won’t think for a moment.

Oh that look….
Dont ask....I am dead.

The yearning.

She too had her shares of ups and downs. But when I see the kind of people who are her friends, I feel that she is lucky. They are caring, concerned and they all love her.

It is not that she is not happy in their company. She is.

But the space for that “someone special” is still vacant.

She had a bitter experience. It made her weak for sometime. Not anymore.

Yes, memories are still there. Some vivid, others are fade. But she has learned her lessons.

She is not one of those who keep on jumping from one relationship into another because they can’t be alone…Or eager to be with someone because her friends keep on taunting her. No.

She is waiting.

Waiting for her man;

For those words which will….

For those arms in which lies her world;

For that touch which will end all her searches;

For that season of love;

For those long walks with her head on his shoulder;

For angels to welcome them;

For days when eyes would do all the talking;

For that grip on her body that will make her go jittery;

For that heat in his breath;

For nights that would never end;

For journeys with no destinations;

For flowers to bloom for them;

For time to stop for them;

For the world to become a fantasy;

For a place where they two find solace;

For the bond where feelings reign;

She is waiting.

I wish

Nah! No stars. No moons. No prince charming. No castle. No waterfalls.

What I wish for her is bliss of a lifetime.

And wisdom, to distinguish between right and wrong;

And courage, to stand by what she believes;

And ability, to go against the tide;

And resilience, to battle the odds;

And zeal to infuse life in every moment;

And hunger to conquer the planet;

And determination to never give up;

And patience to wait for her dreams to come true;

And energy to accomplish the unthinkable;

And accolades for what she achieves;

And love of the Almighty;

And blessings of the angels;

And allegiance of her partner;

And affinity of her kids;

And trust of her pals;

And much more…