Monday, March 8, 2010

Is this it ?

More than a year has passed since I parted ways with what they call a "someone special". It left me with a void. I had no option but to live with that. Lot of my friends went for "someone else" when continuing with "someone special" was no more possible. Somehow, I never bought that theory and 'single' remained my status- life was not rocking, but then I had no complaints.

Some meetings with her followed. I knew her as an acquaintance. Now, I was getting to know the person- outspoken, bold, honest and a chocolate lover.

Then one day, I did what I was sure of not even attempting. Just the thought of writing fiction (anything non-news, no facts) used to scare me. "I can't write out of nothing....how the hell do they write in the air?" I used to wonder. I got myself a blog and published a post. "How the hell did you do that?" I asked myself.

I have not stopped writing since , but believe you me, I still don't know how do I do it? Off course, she is everything to my posts- the heart, soul and body, but then is this it? She is wondering if my adulation for her is in earnest or am I in the throes of a momentary fevered infatuation?

After a lot of thinking, umpteen mugs of coffee and enough of head scratching, I reached the conclusion that I do not know if this is it....Neither do I wish to know.

If you want, I can tell you what goes into my writings- I sit, I see her and I write what comes to my head. It cant get any simpler!

On a second thought, I would say that it means a lot to me because if there is one person who has been able to inspire me to do something which I have always been running away from, its her. She is magic.

Now for the questions such as why only her? Is this infatuation or more ? Why did I never write for someone else before? I would say I have no clue. May be ten years from now, I can give you sensible, logical answer. At this moment, I dont know. "Confused" you find me?

Naaa....See, I am clear about what I feel for her and what I expect out of this relationship. I am happy that she gave me this blog and as she wants to believe, I am evolving as a writer. I am going to cherish absolutely each and every moment I have and will be spending with her.
I adore her. If you wish to know my feelings for her, then you got to read my posts. I feel all that and much more, which I will write in the future.

Its just that I am at a loss when it comes to that one word that truly conveys what I feel for her. I have no answer if you ask me to put my feelings in today's parlance where words such as friendship, infatuation, couples, dating, and love etc, define our relationship with each other.

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