She

This is a little different. Just took a short brake from work and, as usual, closed my eyes to meet her....This time , I could see her in various moods and times. So, how does she look like in these moods and at these times of the day?

When she wakes up: The deadliest drug one can ever have

When she laughs: Sea

When she cries: End

When she sings: Honey

When she talks: Wise

When she is angry: Sweet

When she touches: Out of this world

When she kisses: God...can I hold onto this moment !

When she sleeps: Shhhhhhh ! do not disturb

Sajdaa

Wo zikr hai, khayaal hai, yaad hai, tasawwur hai

Wo thandak hai, sukoon hai, chhaon hai

Wo ibaadat hai, dua hai, sajdaa hai

Wo rooh hai, jism hai, jaan hai

Wo maqsad hai, iraada hai, koshish hai

Wo megha hai, baarish hai, fiza hai

Wo aghaaz hai, anjaam hai

Wo subah hai, shaam hai

Wo neend hai, khwaab hai, aankhon ka ujaala hai

Wo sawaal hai, jawaab hai

Wo husn hai, kashish hai, andaaz hai

Wo tabassum hai, bijli hai

Wo saans hai, dhadkan hai, lahoo hai

Wo duniya hai, aakhirat hai

Wo resham hai, sakht hai

Ishq hai, ishq hai, ishq hai....

Hypnosis

Let me start with my initial reactions on seeing that pic…

First, I was speechless; then my eyes went bigger and bigger and then I said to myself "Oh my God, Oh My God, Ohhhh My….This is damn sexy….she is looking HOT……Thisssss, is beauty.

Everything about the picture- the lady, the saree, the hair, the eyes, the kaajal, that smile (ohhhhhh….I cannot stop adoring it… I can go on and on and on), the set-up (that almirah in the backdrop provide the retro look), the mood….just everything is…hmmmm….let me say everything is complementing each other.

It seems that everything here was made for this particular picture.

But then that’s not the reason why I have not been able to sleep for the past few nights.

It is the look that haunts me.

You gotta see it to believe me.

She is talking to you. She is inviting you to her world. The world of mischief. The world without boundaries.

That look makes you forget everything on this planet. Every bloody thing!

It is a slow poison.

It enters through your eyes and then slowly it is all over you. It flows in your veins. It gets absorbed in your soul.

It becomes you. It remains with you, day and night.

You would surrender yourself to her and you would not even realize. It is like making you a slave by giving you all the powers.

It is hypnosis. Nothing less than hypnosis. Just a give it a glance and you are gone.

It can make you do anything in the world. And trust me, you won’t think for a moment.

Oh that look….
Dont ask....I am dead.

The yearning.

She too had her shares of ups and downs. But when I see the kind of people who are her friends, I feel that she is lucky. They are caring, concerned and they all love her.

It is not that she is not happy in their company. She is.

But the space for that “someone special” is still vacant.

She had a bitter experience. It made her weak for sometime. Not anymore.

Yes, memories are still there. Some vivid, others are fade. But she has learned her lessons.

She is not one of those who keep on jumping from one relationship into another because they can’t be alone…Or eager to be with someone because her friends keep on taunting her. No.

She is waiting.

Waiting for her man;

For those words which will….

For those arms in which lies her world;

For that touch which will end all her searches;

For that season of love;

For those long walks with her head on his shoulder;

For angels to welcome them;

For days when eyes would do all the talking;

For that grip on her body that will make her go jittery;

For that heat in his breath;

For nights that would never end;

For journeys with no destinations;

For flowers to bloom for them;

For time to stop for them;

For the world to become a fantasy;

For a place where they two find solace;

For the bond where feelings reign;

She is waiting.

I wish

Nah! No stars. No moons. No prince charming. No castle. No waterfalls.

What I wish for her is bliss of a lifetime.

And wisdom, to distinguish between right and wrong;

And courage, to stand by what she believes;

And ability, to go against the tide;

And resilience, to battle the odds;

And zeal to infuse life in every moment;

And hunger to conquer the planet;

And determination to never give up;

And patience to wait for her dreams to come true;

And energy to accomplish the unthinkable;

And accolades for what she achieves;

And love of the Almighty;

And blessings of the angels;

And allegiance of her partner;

And affinity of her kids;

And trust of her pals;

And much more…

Confession

She writes amazingly well.

She writes amazingly well.

She writes amazingly well.

She writes amazingly well.

She writes amazingly well.

She writes amazingly well.

She writes amazingly well.

She writes amazingly well.

I am loving it.

I am loving it.

I am loving it.

I am loving it.

I am loving it.

I am loving it.

I am loving it.

I am loving it.

She writes amazingly well.

I am loving it.

Closer

She had surrendered herself to him on the very first day. She was happy talking him to in the language of silence. Under- currents were playing a prominent role, as she always wanted. His touch left her weightless. She got her world in his arms. She feared no death. It was a union of souls. Divine.

She says that is past. Not true. He is right there. Right before her eyes. She has vowed not to go back to him, but with every passing day, they are getting closer. She does not want to carry the baggage of the past. Past he is not. He is there running in her blood.

She is running from him. Perhaps that’s why she does not like the idea of being alone. She makes an attempt to be surrounded by people who find happiness in her company and with whom she is jolly.

But then his constant presence is something which has been done to her rather than she doing it.

At times, she has prayed to God to get her rid of him. But God is not be blamed. What can He do when this girl is actually longing for her man.

Yes, longing for him. Since the day they departed...the day she chose friendship over love, she is trying to find traces of him in every second man she comes across.

The divine touch has left her wanting for more.

This time she wont settle for the mystical collision. With the passing time, her raw emotions are turning ripe. Passion has taken the place of affection.

Yes, "passion" is what is looking for now.

That devilish grin; gaze that will hunt her down; that thirst in his eyes; that hunger in his breath; that power in his fists.

He will be the one who will counter balance what she calls her "hyper energy."

Their unison would emanate energy of a thousand suns.

This, perhaps, is what she is searching for. Day and night.

She gave up in between. But then her heart said, "You sure you don’t want him?".....and then she would start all over again.

HE DOES NOT CARE !

What can you say to a boy who has left home? You can say he has done wrong, but he does not care. He has left home so that he will not have to deal with what you say. He wants to go as far as he can. He will do what he wants to do.

This boy does not want to be forced to go to church, to comb his hair, or to be on time. A good time for this boy does not lie in your reach, for what you have he does not want. He dreams of ripped jeans, shorts with no starch, and old socks.

So now this boy is on a bus to a place he dreams of, a place with no rules. This boy now walks a strange street, his long hair blown back by the wind. He wears no coat or tie, just jeans and an old shirt. He hates your world, and he has left it.

Do I know her?

She actually smiles. Others fake it. Hers is natural. In fact that was the first things I noted when I first saw her. Her smile has got the innocence of a baby. It’s pure. Like the water in a running river. Like the sunlight. It can act as a therapy for those who can’t stop complaining. It’s soothing. It’s complete. It’s full of zeal. She can create bonds by meeting people just once. That’s the magic of her smile. I will remember her for her smile. It’s natural.

Oh yes, “natural” she is. She speaks her heart. She does not pretend. She does not care what the world thinks about her. She is what she is. Bold or bindaas, as they say. And she wants to be accepted that way. She lives life on her own terms.

Or does she?

She has lost her father. Brother lives far off. She is with her mother. In between there is space. She has created it, I would say. It’s her space. She has created a castle here. She lives here with her dreams- “Career”, “Singing”, “Traveling”, “Writing a book”, “Romance”. While she has spoken to me about her other dreams, she never mentioned “singing”. But believe me, she is really good at it. Romantic melodies and the ones where the female is longing for her love, remain close to her heart. And her knowledge of Hindi film songs complements the same. She can give our best Radio jockeys, a run for their money.

I truly want the Almighty to give her what she wants. I am waiting for the moment when I can tell her “I am happy for you.”

Unlike others, she is not cribbing.

She is strong. Stronger than lot of us. I don’t know how you feel about it, but I believe it takes guts to create that castle; to live with those dreams; and to accomplish them. No, I am not feeling sad for her. Neither am I taking her side. I am just putting her against those who give up easily and blame their destiny for every wrong. She is a fighter. I respect her for that !

But then she cries if she watches SRK crying on screen. Her eyes are wet if she is listening to a sad number. The child in her is very much alive. Let me say, lot of us have killed that child, knowingly or unknowingly. That adds another layer to her personality.

She loves munching chocolates (crazy about dark ones). She does not mind hard drinks. She watches horror movies post mid night knowing that she would get scared.' She adores SRK. Jon Abraham comes second.

Last heard, she was single but emotionally unavailable.

She claims that she starts dancing in the theatre if she likes the beats of the song in the movie. She is a true friend. Like her smile, her friendship, too, is sacred. One with no selfish motives.

She loves her mother like anything. She is like a mother to her mother. Her brother is the second most important person in her life. Friends come third.

Why is it that every time I meet her, I ask myself “do I know her?” Is this all she wants us to know because the rest belongs to her space? Or actually this is this all about her? Is she a true Gemini, with dual personalities? Or is she an exception? Is there is a much bigger world of hers, which none is aware of? Or is her life an open book? Has she told us everything? Or she has concealed more than what she revealed?

Whatever the case is, I just know that in no time, I got a friend, a critic, an observer (“I am an irritated chap” was one of her observations) and a genuine person in my life.

Confessions: I am lucky to have lot of friends. But I don't know them as much as I know her (or rather don't know ). I have never written about any of them. "Why have I written about her?".....I really dont know.

Friends come. Friends go. But we fear losing some. I fear losing her.